A Donkey on the Edge

Well, it’s the 6th of April(!) I haven’t posted in weeks and my mom has just sent me a note to see what’s up, so I thought I’d better post. Well, I’ve been struggling to get a number of things sorted out at once. There was quite a lot of organising to do on the first team pumpernickle Dakar training session. Ben flew over from Washington DC just to experience the fun of falling off a wet dirtbike into a nice cushion of gooey Welsh mud. I joined him in muddiness (falling off four times in as many minutes) on the weekend of the 31st March. Actually, Ben did incredibly well - he had never gone off-road before, and he gobbled up all the challenges (including the river crossing that I missed) with elan. I’ve had years of mucking about in the dirt, so can’t really claim any special credit for not falling off.

On one level, the weekend showed up a major flaw in our plan to race the Paris Dakar - my fitness level. I had been working out like a beast for two weeks running up to the weekend as I figured it would be a bit of a workout. It was so knackering, and I have so little ‘core’ strength that my body literally shut down on the second day. One minute I was motoring around no problem, and almost instantly I became unable of even standing up. I fell of in a muddy patch and couldn’t even pick the bike up (these are wee 600cc things, half the weight of my usual bike, the r1150gs). I was helped up by the instructor and then proceeded to drop the thing again three times in rapid succession. Luckily, while it is very painful to have one’s wimpyness shown off in front of a large group of people (including one tiny woman called Lisa who had the strength of an ox and had been picking her bike up no problem all day) it was luckily not physically damaging. At that point I abandoned my group and retreated to base camp - very disappointed, but without injury.

So I guess the moral of that story is that if Ben and I are going anywhere near the Dakar’s 10 hour days, I am going to have to do some serious fitness work (am still working out every day at present).

Apart from thrashing other people’s motorbikes, I’ve been sorting out the baby’s room. Oh, and the hall and the living room and the kitchen as Nick and I have gone from doing nothing to the house to getting it entirely decorated in one go ;-)

Rather than do my usual of dragging sheets of mdf back to the house and then struggling with clamps and circular saw, I’ve designed all the furniture parts and am having them built by a guy called Luis who runs a little workshop up Brent Cross way. I just picked the first one up, the hifi cabinet - great workmanship from Luis, poor measurments from Dug (the amp doesn’t fit ha ha ha). Nevertheless, it looks great and not at all ‘studenty’ so fingers crossed for the backroom closet and the hall bookshelves…

Apart from all that, I’ve been doing web stuff both business and personal and trying to take care of Nicki as best I can. Junior is going to be a big baby (there’s a surprise) so much fun and games ;-) The baby is now due in about seven weeks (!) god - say it like that and it feels like the paint in the back room will still be wet!

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Ahhh, it comes ‘round every five years and fills the NEC (I’m off to IPEX on wednesday - yipee!)

It’s the pipes - does it every time, there’s just something about the sound of a piped lament… I’m glad the Queen mum’s funeral service was well attended. Intellectually, I think the monarchy doesn’t have a leg to stand on, but emotionally, I can’t help appreciating the role they play in bringing us together as a nation. I wish we could find a better thing to define us, perhaps by our values? But until we are able to unite under some superior secular (Roddenberrian?) system, Brenda and her brood will do nicely :-)

She died on Saturday while I was in the car with Ben on the way to Wales (listening to cd’s). I was in a pub fro hours on Saturday, Sunday and Monday night and nobody mentioned a thing - weird no? Anyway, it all worked out in the end.

“As Manager of Customer Experience for CustomOffers, your recent claim with Exodus has been brought to my attention. I have personally sent a request to unsubscribe dug@pumpernickle.net from CustomOffers’ mailing list database. CustomOffers is a permission-based service with many satisfied subscribers. It is not our goal, nor our intention to send mail to those who do not wish to receive it”

I love getting these in the post :-)

As part of the child naming process, I’m trying to find the first name of the falby that came over from denmark in 890AD (I imagine). I realise this is entirely impossible, but I can dream can’t I? My branch of the Falbys continues with the shores of the north sea as my mother is from a Norwegian family. In the process of hunting this ‘alpha Falby’ I hope to stumble on a bunch of other Falbys… If you can fill in any of the blanks in the family tree (including confirming dates) please send me an email dug@pumpernickle.net

Will this one not die? Once upon a time a man called Chris Raettig was slogging it out at a small consultancy called pumpernickle when he came across the first corp anthem (kpmg I think it was) - anyway, you all know the story by heart but James just sent me an email with this link: http://www.zdnet.co.uk/specials/2002/it-anthems/ will they not let it lie? Ok, so now it’s called “it anthems” (no, not TPT, IBM) instead of corporate… I jussdunno ;-)

I pulled at my first job in advertising. It was in preparation for a pitch to Conde Nast (Vogue) ah those were the days (what am I doing working at 04:28 am?)

we have a new reader - hello JASR (José-Antonio Sobrino-Reineke). Jasr is a good friend of mine from New York who lives in Germany and is about to get married :-) I/05/have mentionned beforehand that I am going to miss his wedding because of our baby’s due date. So it’s a good thing he is still talking to me.

I got the following in the mail today. This one smells like it could run a bit… (reprinted in the original’s all caps)

From: “Dr.Isah Gambo”

Date: Thu/04/18, 2002 10:08:16 Europe/London

To: help@pumpernickle.net

Subject: WASALAAM ALAIKUM

ATTN:THE PRESIDENT/C.E.O,

I WRITE YOU AFTER PROPER CONSIDERATION THAT A TELEPHONE CORRESPONDENCE/05/NOT BE AN IDEAL MEDIUM TO CONTACT YOU ON THIS MATTER.

FIRSTLY, I WILL LIKE TO INTRODUCE MYSELF.I AM DR.ISAH GAMBO A SENIOR ACCOUNTANT IN THE OFFICE WITH THE HONOURABLE GOVERNOR OF CENTRAL BANK OF NIGERIA.HEADED BY MY BOSS,THE GOVERNOR,DR.JOSEPH SANUSI.I GOT YOUR CONTACT DURING MY SEARCH FOR A RELIABLE FOREIGN PARTNER ON THE NET.THOUGH DURING MY SEARCH,I DID NOT MAKE MY INTENTION KNOWN TO THE GOVERNOR SO IT WOULD REMAIN CONFIDENTIAL TO BE EXPLICIT .

RECENTLY,IN THE COURSE OF AN INDEPTH VARIFICATION EXERCISE INSTITUTED, I MADE A DISCOVERY THAT PROMPTED THIS PRIVATE COMMUNICATION WHILE CONDUCTING OUR USUAL VARIFICATION EXERCISE BEFORE BEEN AUTHORISED BY THE BANK TO EFFECT PAYMENT TO OUR DESERVING BENEFICIARY,MR.JOHN EBANKS WHOSE PAYMENT HAS BEEN APPROVED AND WAS TO BENEFIT FROM THIS QUARTER’S PAYMENT, DIED SOMETIME AGO AFTER A BRIEF ILLNESS.PRESENTLY,ALL EFFORTS HAVE BEEN MADE TO LOCATE ANY OF HIS BENEFACTORS HAS PROVED ABORTIVE,AS THEY NO LONGER RESIDE IN THEIR FORMER HOME/OFFICE ADDRESS CONSEQUENTLY.

I AM SOICITIG FOR YOUR HAND IN ACTING AS HIS NEXT OF KIN IN COLLABORATION TO DIVERT THIS FUND ALREADY APPROVED FOR PAYMENT IN CENTRAL BANK OF NIGERIA.ALL I REQUIRE OF YOU IS TO ACCEPT TO ASSIST ME SINCE I’M NOT A FOREIGNER AND AS SUCH,CANNOT STAND AS THE NEXT OF KIN TO LATE MR.JOHN EBANK AND IMMEDIATELY,I WILL DIVERT EVERY INFORMATION IN THE PAYMENT FILE WITH AN AFFIDAVIT ON NEXT OF KIN AND THE BENEFICIARY TO THE PAYMENT OF US$13.5M(THIRTEEN MILLION,FIVE HUNDRED THOUSAND U.S DOLLARS) ALREADY APPROVED FOR PAYMENT IN THE CENTRAL BANKOF NIGERIA .I WILL BE GLAD TO TRANSFER ALL OWNERSHIP RIGHTS TO YOUR NAME IN FAVOUR OF YOUR COMPANY AND YOU AS MODALITIES ARE IN PLAY TO PROTECT YOUR RIGHT AS THE NEXT OF KIN AND THERE IS NO RISK INVOLVED.

IN ANTICIPATION OF YOUR FAVOURABLE REPLY, YOU AND I WILL DISCUSS ON THE MODE OF SHARING THE MONEYAFTER I RECEIVE YOUR POSITIVE RESPONSE.NOTE THAT THIS TRANSACTION IS 100% RISK FREE ,HENCE WE ARE HERE TO PERFECT THE ENTIRE PROCESS .THIS IS A LIFE TIME OPPORTUNITY BEFORE US AND WE WOULD NOT LIKE TO SEE IT GO BY .

I AM SINCERELY COUNTING ON YOUR SUPPORT TO MAKE THIS POSSIBLE FOR ME TO HAVE A PROPER INVESTMENT PLANS IN REAL ESTATE BUSINESS IN YOUR COUNTRY .ALSO TO BUY LUXURY APARTMENT FOR MY RESIDENCE UPON MY ARRIVAL IN YOUR COUNTRY.

I AWAIT YOUR EARLIEST RESPONSE.

YOURS SINCERELY,

DR.ISAH GAMBO

I’m still working on the next release of this blogging system (no time for personal web projects - work plus decorating leaves no leisure time) but even in its crude state, a couple of friends have decided to set one up (they still haven’t edited their templates much, so they look a bit like this site) so I thought I’d post their urls.

Billy (my sister’s husband, you remember) has started posting in brief moments between discussing utterance interpretation. Recently, he’s been getting into bondage and discipline;-)

José-Antonio started posting yesterday. He is an old friend from New York - it’s good to have him keeping a log, as it fits his role as an honorary member of the Society for the Advancement of Formal Structures (it’s a long story). In any case, check out his site.

that we have a socialist government. (Michael Howard just said “good evening” and has started telling of one of his constituents who waited 83 weeks to see a consultant. Michael Howard. Surely you remember? arg!?)

I had almost completely lost hope for this government. I’ve voted red my whole life, mostly losing at the polls. When Tony Blair got in I was elated, but I’ve been growing increasingly disappointed with the lack of political commitment coming from number 10. Tony recently gave a ‘pep-talk’ to the party faithful. Roy Hattersley commented on the speech, pinpointing the real flaw it uncovered: a total lack of political position. I believe the pm used the word “decency” - as in Labour is the party of decency. Well, that’s a complete load of bollocks, I can find you any number of evil bastards who actually believe in decency. For that mater, even Michael Howard, the shadow chancellor might perhaps be into decency.

We have had Labour by stealth these last few years - I keep having to remind myself of the actual policy decisions (and there have been one or two) that celebrate the belief in a fairer society. This budget is the first time that this government has got up on in its (well, Gordon’s anyway) hind legs and delivered a genuinely left-wing policy.

Of course, I wanted Tony Benn not Blair, but you’ve got to start somewhere (and how about all the fuss Arlette Laguiller is kicking up across the channel)…

Only five more weeks til I become a dad! Haven’t had much time to myself of late as I’ve been doing loads of construction work between bouts of job work. Those of you who have visited West End Lane know what a state the back room was in - no walls no floor and a maze of sewer drains, gas pipes and loose or exposed wiring. Considering that’s where the little guy is going to be sleeping, I’ve a lot to clean up ;-)

Nicki has had a remarkably trouble free pregnancy. We had some concerns at the outset, as we were both on the Atkins diet when we got pregnant. Obviously, any kind of diet is bad for a pregnant woman and her child, so we were a little concerned, but in the end all appears to be going well.

Quite recently, Nick has started feeling the weight of the little guy. She is unfortunately now experiencing quite a lot of pain, which is compounded by general exhaustion. She is however still in good spirits and hopefully the thought of the product of all this is cheering her up (I know it cheers me up, but then I’m not the one doing the work/feeling the pain)

We’re off to the Royal Free this afternoon for the tour of the maternity ward - should be interesting…

What a non-starter, Chirac started running after the presidency of the Fifth Republic in the early seventies. Mitterand started his campaign in 1948 (now that’s determination). If ever you needed a reason to vote, the French far right has set out to provide one. Considering the low level of commitment or motivation on the part of the average capitalist citizen, it’s amazing that France managed to get 20% of the electorate (which is what? 35% of the population? meaning 7%) out to vote.

Anyway, old Jacques is going to win this election (another seven years) with the biggest margin of any man in the Fifth Republic…

Hi dug,

I thought 70% of the electorate voted? We watched newsnight last night and Christine Ockrent was going on about how “one in four (!!!)” didn’t even bother to vote. I was thinking that that’s a pretty good turnout compared to most places.

It always pisses me off when I hear people saying “oh, if only I’d known, I’d have gone out and voted”. It’s like a football player saying “if only I’d known they were going to score three late goals, I’d have tried harder in the first half”. Actually, it’s worse cos a footballer easing off when in front is more likely to be something he can’t really control.

It is scary, though, to think how many voted for him. In some places, he got 30% of the vote. And then you look at trends in other countries in Europe. Ulp!

B-)

According to IPSOS (Institut something something something?) the turnout was 71.60 percent. Why did I think that the turnout was poor? Now I’m really confused, I guess the figure I need is what percent of the population make up the electorate (40% maybe?) to whittle it down to knowing how many actual bodies made it to the polling booth (Le Pen claims one of his biggest supporters died leaving the hospital to go and cast her ballot for him - does he miss a beat) and finally, what percentage does that represent of the whole population. Or in simple terms, 1 in x French people are fascists?

Oh well, I guess this means we should make a point of getting out there for our next poll (coming up soon but I forget the date). Recently, I’ve voted Socialist Workers Party and Green as Tony Blair’s capitalist non-leftism was getting me seriously down.

Ok ok ok - big T your lot gets my vote this time…

(Hi dug) Here’s two “interesting” (i.e. scary) pieces from the guardian. It’s all quite depressing, imho. I still haven’t forgiven Blunkett for the “read my lips” - “well, I was only joking” thing. I decided then that nothing is beneath him, and he just keeps on confirming that opinion.

Billy

ON POLITICS

Alan Travis, the Guardian’s home affairs editor, looks at this afternoon’s debate on immigration and the contents of the home secretary’s new asylum bill.

David Blunkett’s new bill on asylum and immigration introduces measures such as an oath of allegiance and English classes in an attempt to integrate refugees and new immigrants into British life. It also sets up a network of accommodation centres in Britain to replace the troublesome dispersal system for asylum seekers. Initially, there will only be about six of them, housing around 3,000 asylum seekers. In a new move, education, health and translation facilities will be provided at the centres, on the basis that instead of having to wait three or four years for their applications to be resolved, the process should take no more than six months.

The bill also proposes some tougher measures to eject failed asylum seekers through deportations and removals along with other measures to speed up the system - particularly the appeals process. There are two areas likely to cause controversy among Labour MPs as the bill passes through parliament: the denial of the right of asylum seekers to send their children to local schools and to be treated by local doctors while they are in these accommodation centres. So it’s likely that most of the debate will centre on those issues.

Mr Blunkett is arguing that one of the reasons why France failed to stop the rise of Le Pen is that the French socialist party did not introduce robust immigration and asylum policies. He says, for example, that by removing the immense pressure some local schools and doctors face in treating large numbers of asylum seekers in their area, he would be removing what he describes as the “firelighter for the BNP” in these communities, where such pressures can cause friction.

I think it’s likely that the situation in France will shift the British debate on asylum one step to the right. Trying to build a more robust and publicly credible asylum system - as well as answering the claims of the far right - means that more draconian measures are likely to be taken and more rigour applied.

THE HECKLER

Our man on the sofa considers the issue of asylum seekers.

There is absolutely no chance of fascism raising its shaven head in this country. The Labour government, which has already fought prejudice by introducing curfews and arresting people without evidence, has promised it will be so. And if that means beating the bovver boys by booting out foreigners in double quick time, then count me in for processing a few asylum applications.

According to David Blunkett, who has never judged anyone by the colour of their skin, immigration policy is central to a liberal democracy. However it has to be “fair, but tough” (a clever switharoo on the old “tough, but fair” mantra, I’m sure you’ll agree). Too many foreigners flooding in and taking all the jobs, everyone gets a bit racist. Too few people coming in and there’s all the jobs to fill. ‘Cos let’s face it, no self-respecting true blooded Brit actually wants to clean anything or, say, learn IT skills, when there’s the chance of getting your own chat show on Granada Men and Administrators.

So how does one hit the middle ground running? A tricky one. Mr Blunkett has wisely suggested that all dirty bogus asylum seekers (like those who arrive in Britain determined to earn some money) should be getting the boot quicker. Preferably straight off the Dover cliffs into a floating brig, I say.

At the same time, and this is the clever bit, you encourage all the immigrants who want to make money (and have a degree in computing) to come into the country. We don’t want economic migrants, we want people coming in for economic reasons. That’ll stump the BNP.

……………………………….

billy clark

copywriter pumpernickle.net http://www.pumpernickle.net

listening to the Flying Lizards’ “TV” on vinyl :-)

bumping into limitations of crap middleware :-(

with the Lizards’ David Cunningham September, 1984

“It’s just the Flying Lizards top ten favourite tunes. Not my personal favourites. This is terribly pretentious but I’ve always toyed with the idea that the Flying Lizards represented rock and roll from some sort of alternative universe. It amuses me to think of a possible universe where James Joyce is a really popular author.”

Ahh to be young again… But did he foretell the current self-destruction of popular media as our screens fill to bursting with the top ten whatevers of all time ;-)